No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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