it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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