So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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