I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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