I wish I could teleport
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
