I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
