I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
