My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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