You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
