I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
