I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
