You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
