but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you never un-have a 4some
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
