I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
