you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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