And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
