You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Apparently you make a good broom.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
