He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
