he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
