he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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