I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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