He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
