ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
