haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
