I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
