Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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