he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
