Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
