Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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