Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
