I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
