i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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