Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
