i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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