hell yes lets make some ravioli
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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