Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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