Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
