You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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