my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
