Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
