Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
