You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
