If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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