I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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