Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
