Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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