a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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