omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
