I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
