I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
